When a man relentlessly defends himself in an argument with a woman, he is usually doing it to protect the goodness of his character: I am a good person! Can’t you see that? When a woman exerts indignation in a relationship with a man, she is usually asserting her rights, her boundaries, her prerogatives:I matter! Can’t you see that? Until the man stops trying to prove to her, and to himself, that he is indeed “good” and not “bad,” he cannot go about the urgent business of showing the woman that she—her needs, her dignity, her work, her feelings—really does matter to him.
Read More